His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
