just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
I wonder if Barack Obama has ever been this drunk.
Technically this isn't a church so we could have been drinking this whole time.
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
does it count as cheating if I'm bettering him for his girlfriend?
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
None of these texts make sense. except for "step 2.5 equals velociraptor." that i get.
I despise everything about her. Except her tits.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
