we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
shouldn't i get a discount if shes pregnant?
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
Jen's arm is stuck between a wall and her bed. She's naked and needs someone to go help her.
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
What if he stabs me in the back, mid-orgasm, as I sit on his face? It'd be a miraculous way to go but that's not the point
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
