Okay well someone asked "IS HE HOMELESS?" about me so I need to try and find somebody.
That is correct. I did in fact somehow pass out in the tanning booth for over an hour. And yes the attendant did have to open it up and shake me awake.
Oh god I think I promised some guy from high school that I'd be his fuck buddy in like 3 months
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Yeah, he threw a chair and hit her in the side of the head. She started hysterically crying and then proceeded to continue kicking our ass at beerpong. The girls got talent.
I'm not totally useless... You can use me as an example of what not to do
Randomize
