i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
I like the new guy, he keeps beer in the fridge.
Randomize
