Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
hey got me stoned for the first time when i was 14. there is no bond stronger
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Pooping to opera.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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