I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Wtf am i supposed to tell my kids when they ask about my first time? "Mommy got drunk off her ass and fucked a total stranger in another stranger's bedroom, then got abandoned by the selfish prick and walk of shamed to the nearest gas station to call a cab, but ended up passed out in a park in a pool of her own puke."
At least mommy was smart enough to use protection and hack into the asshole's facebook account.
Well of course. Mommy may be a slutty drunk but she ain't no idiot.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
guess who's bored in chemistry researching how to sneak weed through airport security in her vagina?
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
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