Well douche your snatch and let's go!
I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
Dude I swear I heard "geet out!!!" when I went down on her. I shouldve listened.
You realize at the bar last night we blew on imaginary whistles like rose from titanic right?
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Also, I think I'm too drunk to be at the gym right now. But how sober do you need to be for IM volleyball?
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
I agree with that homeless guy though, you do need a haircut
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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