Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
