apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
The fact you even thought licking it would fix it boggles my mind
Well it worked
Not the point
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Just heard an advertisement for 40 proof chocolate milk. We may never have to grow up
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Randomize
