where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I had a dream about that dude. It was the first time I had a dream about him since the tryst.
The tryst?
The hookup. I like using sophisticated words for my foolish decisions. Makes me retain some dignity.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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