I wanna eat
then frost
then eat your cupcake
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
Omg, those nutella cakes are heavenly, like licking the nipples of a muscular black Jesus.
I'm gonna face reality, tomorrow morning is not on my hungover agenda.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
Whatever, you're gonna have to break it to mom that the reason I was so drunk at Christmas dinner is because she wouldn't stop asking me why I don't have a boyfriend
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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