yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
If I make it through this whole bridesmaid process without anyone knowing that I actually hate everyone but the bride, including the groom, I deserve a complimentary bottle of vodka.
... why is there baby oil , black socks and frozen hot dogs in the sink this morning ?
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
Randomize
