Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
First week back and I made to one class, its gonna be okay after all.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I've got enough liquor to do one of two things on Friday: 1.) Drink myself into a coma or 2.) lay in bed a drunk and cry lonely mess. Happy Valentines Day.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
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