you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
Came to from my blackout with native american warrior facepaint on I'm too old for this shit
The facepaint not the blacking out
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
Well, I guess my plans of staying around the apartment and drinking my weight in boxed wine are ruined. I have a date tonight.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Randomize
