Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
i looked at my phone & had a message that said "tell your friend she needs to clean my livingroom, i dont appreciate her trying to turn it into a bubblebath." I give you probs.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
Randomize
