We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
this hospital has no fireball
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
How's moving going?
Uh, we're on the way to the store to buy more booze
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Randomize
