If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I am in serious pain and you're making dick jokes. I hope you wind up with crotch rot.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
Randomize
