no, he came in my armpit
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
I've been ignoring his texts cause last night I put him in my phone as 'ignore for atleast a day' and I trust my drunk self.
She sucks dick like Beethoven on piano, but talking to her is like Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder. Still working out the pros vs cons list.
After some trial and error I found soaking my balls in maple syurip helps ease the pain.
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
I feel like weed makes my smarter. I'm watching the stocks and the way I understand if, do not invest in Yahoo right now because they are not fit for that.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I make him buy me all the extremely expensive high end Mac cosmetics I desire. Wear it then let him cum on my face. I am fucking glamorous.
Only thing that feels right is being horizontal in the fetal position
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
