how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
What happened at the top of the stairs is never to be spoken of again.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
when you wake up try not to move. we are betting to see if more sprinkles stuck to you or the pong table.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
I found your missing hash cookies. Fuck you and I'm sorry but there are only 2 left. I already had the munchies.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
Randomize
