someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
LETS GET FUCKED UP IN ONESIES TONIGHT.
I worry about you sometimes...
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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