My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
We've been here 3 hours and the only 1 word answer she didn't give was the drink order. Don't think I'm getting laid tonight
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
