Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Wanna play whack-a-mole in my pants?
Your word choices worry me.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
