would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Exactly, finding that perfect flask to come with you on all your adventures is like finding the perfect wedding dress. You have to feel it.
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
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