...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
I know shes my ex. And I know she punched me in the face and stole my car to go get drunk. But it's the best sex I've ever had.
You're sick. Take pictures if you can.
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
My aunt comes over, haven't seen her in 4 years. First thing, looks me up and down and goes "...yup, that pair ripened nicely. Theyll get you some free drinks"
I think you were raised by the wrong sister
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
After sex he just told me I'm definitely pregnant and it's a girl. Should I run?
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
