Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
walking back to the dorm.. she is flashing evryone, demanding beads. we tried to stop her and now she just keeps yelling "Bourbon st bitchesss"... you get her tomorrow
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
This guy on the bus keeps leaning over and sniffing my hair.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
The dick lei will go down in squad history
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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