I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I don't understand how he can't hear himself snoring, but he'll wake up to me sneaking m&m's from my junk food stash beside the bed...
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
the table of underagers at this wedding were seated 10ft from the open bar. currently 30 open containers on the table for 5 people. dinner hasn't even been served yet.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
btw, do you remember scaling that porch last night?
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
I just spent 20 mins in the shower washing n rewashing my body to get rid of stripper. I even loofa'd my face.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Randomize
