I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
...im seriously confused as to why this doesn't make sense to you. Girl hostage, rob casino. Makes perfect sense.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
So what's your itinerary for Amsterdam?
Show up, get drunk, get laid, try not to miss my flight home.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
Randomize
