I'm at the doctor and the male nurse (haha) asked me if I smoked, drank or did drugs, and when he said 'drugs' he looked me right in the eye and did a perfect wrist rocket.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
he just payed for our date, after telling him I was leaving early to meet my fuck buddy. is there something lower than friendzone I can stick this guy in?
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
Randomize
