I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
As long as they suck a good dick I don't care what fruit they have and where they have it
doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
the fact that i already established a hook up buddy for thanksgiving break is genius
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
Randomize
