That's when you crack a 10am beer
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
Worst way to find out I have a half sister
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
Randomize
