me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
She lured me back to her place with pizza and tits. I was totally helpless
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