You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
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