my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
in the middle of getting head my cat meowed. she looked up , meowed back, and then continued giving me head.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
I like being woken up by phone calls of you sabotaging marriages
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