this is ridiculous... i look like a white version of MC Hammer...
I often get tempted to walk up to her drunk ass and say, "shouldn't you be taking care of your kid?"
You said I was the most beatiful preggers youve ever seen...im not pregnant
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
I didn't plan on sleeping with him until he told me his mom is deaf.. Then I felt bad.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
I stole $10 from the guy I hooked up with last night.Not sure why but it was definitely more satisfying.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
