Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
Do fat girls normaly have fat that look like a penis by their pussy?
What the hell did you do last night?!
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
I am so juiced up on period drugs and coffee I feel like my skin is going to fall off.
her spring break bucket list included "break into The Swamp, blow him where Tebow has Tebowed"
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
