I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
I think after that blow job he got the other day he'd set himself on fire if I asked.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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