no you cant smoke seaweed
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude I wanna go on a booze cruise
Dude our life is a booze cruise
But without boats...
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
I was just laughing and almost crying after I orgasmed, and then almost crying because I was laughing so hard. That's new.
Does he think you're psycho?
Officially...... yes.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
