this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
where does the pee come out of this thing
What's the point in getting all dressed up and going when i'm just gonna throw up on myself by midnight?
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
the police told me I had to sign a waiver stating that my car will no longer be used for crime activity.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
Randomize
