Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
17. The number of times my one night stand told me he loved me.
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
