I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
I like to think of them as justice herpes. She cheats on me and gets more than she bargained for.
They asked if I was about to puke and my response was to laugh and suddenly throw up. Continuing my asshole streak I kept laughing while still vomiting.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
He’s 48, has a Prince Albert piercing and a white Range Rover
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
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