The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
THERE IS THE SEXIEST BEARDED MAN HERE. I CAME EVERYWHERE.
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
Oh if we have sex in public no one will frown upon it. They will stand and cheer for it
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
My greatest accomplishment today was eating a box of Thai food the size of a toddler.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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