It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Last night when I blacked out, I ate Chef Boyardee. I never want to be that drunk ever, ever again.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
Randomize
