Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I wish I only lived at night.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
i left you alone for two hours TWO HOURS & when i got back i had to rush you to the hospital because you were covered in Smooth Away pads & drinking the bong water..
Randomize
