trying to fathom saturday night and the fact that Rainn Wilson now hates me. my brain hurts.
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
Really should've known 2020 was gonna suck when the guy dressed as baby new year got arrested at our party 5 past midnight...
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