Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
no, he came in my armpit
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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