Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
just saw a former disney star do a keg stand. her life choices have improved.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Dude she gave you head while I was in the closet, we've passed the "awkward" phase.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Just test drove the kilt for Justin's wedding. NEVER. WEARING. PANTS. AGAIN.
Randomize