38 yer olds are good kisserssss
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
They left shortly after you claimed the dirty rug as your mattress and began alternating between singing "Dayman" and "Nightman"
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
I'm FaceTiming Pizza Hut.
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
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