i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Its alot easier to hide alcohol when your wearing a toga..
everythings easier when your wearing a toga.
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
At least Shia Labeouf would encourage me to do this drinking contest
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
