dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
All she does is lay in bed and watch golden girls and masturbate all day...
It's inspiring.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
do you know how ratchet you have to be to get kicked out of a drag club on Halloween weekend??
Everyone was in jail by 10:30. I'd say it was a successful bachelor party.
Chris used to fill up a Camel Back for thirsty Thursday. God I really miss him, do you remember when he gets out of jail?
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
Randomize
