There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
Randomize
