Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
She. Own s my pussycat. Roxk it like. The sun hitting the horizon
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
6 tequila shots, 3 kamikazes and 1 rumplemintz.. The next day I puked in my office trash can while doing payroll. I may have to dock my own pay for lack of class.
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
She’s the kind of asshole whose face I want to put on a T-shirt just so I can go outside and burn it.
He’s got a big dick and a big ego. This could be fun
Randomize