did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
and that's when the elephants and penises started dancing on the ceiling
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
Because you stood over the Ice luge screaming STONE COLD and poured beer on everyone
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
My ultimate goal is to get laid wearing a horse mask... That would be awesome on all possible levels
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
as a side note pls kill me
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
Randomize
