How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I got frustrated so I just stood up and said take me to bed or lose me forever and banged the first guy who responded show me the way home. Thank you Top Gun.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
Yeah bunch of crazy shit... Makes you wonder how anyone found someone before tinder
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Randomize
