nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Nothing says I've got my life together like buying a jumbo bottle of 7$ wine in sweat pants on a monday night
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
My boss want to throw me an everclear birthday.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
I don't want to spend an inordinate amount of time with you, I want to have sex with you. Duhhhhhh.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
