erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
I wish they made portable blow up dolls for girls.
It's called a dildo, genius. Go to sleep.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
not the best booty call
did she squirt?
only if tears count
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I have a theory that years from now they will be with women who despise me because of what I trained their husbands to like.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
I realize that my conversation topics seem to only be about bees and my cross dressing fiance. Thank you for being my friend.
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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