Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She finally pulled over after almost hitting 4 cars and a semi and asked me if i was rwady i told her to let my penis to come back out
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
