DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
The working title of my paper? "Tailgating: A Big Clusterfuck of Kids Who Dont Actually Give a Shit about Football"
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She peed in the limo. She stood up and pulled up her dress and peed on the floor of the limo.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
I never thought I would be having sex behind a shower curtain that wasn't in a bathroom.
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I woke up naked and you weren't here. What a relief.
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
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