Correction, I've been on a lot of dates and a lot of dicks
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
He just told me that he goes squirrel hunting. NO LONGER BANGABLE.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I went from innocently day drinking to waking up handcuffed in jail. Fuck you game days
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Is it too early in the day to ask a nipple-related question?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
Best part though was when he wanted to cuddle and I was like, I'm going to go.
Randomize
