Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
i just used shampoo as lube. why? because i'm worth it.
Dude you spent the last hour of the night in the bathroom crying, asking someone why you will never be as smart as Mr.Feeney from boy meets world.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I'm too tired to go all the way tonight, especially if you're going to quote Katy Perry at me during
I have been sober for so long that I miss hangovers... what is happening to this summer?
I just want to point out that nothing makes my hickie/hangover more obvious than sleeping in a scarf and sunglasses. nothing.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
That's just a really flattering way of saying, "Yes, you're useless, but you have great tits."
I think my sunburn makes my ass look bigger
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
When your hungover saltines taste like hope...
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
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