I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
well she hit her head and had a concussion. i had to make out with her to keep her awake.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
You told me if you could get your shoes on, you deserved a coke and rum. We never made it to the party.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize