Nicole vs. Life
Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
i realized our last day of finals is on cinco de mayo....it's god's way of saying drink ridiculous amounts of tequila and wear sombreros
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
My stomach is revolting cause i have put food in it and no alcohol.
I take pleasure in knowing how many gallons of booze we've put away in comradery.
I think we should measure in "bathtubs"
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I'm having salsa con queso and a leftover half-drank/flat red bull for breakfast. Nothing you propose doing today would be a downgrade.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Alcohol and I aren't friends right now.
Randomize
