Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
its not fair. if i was a guy, i'd be getting a high five for banging two in one night.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
DON'T PUKE iN THE PRINGLES CAN, WHATEVER YOU DO!
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
