wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
Uh, he still talks to you after you basically sexually harassed him using emojis?
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
I dapped up a cop while leaving the party
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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