About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I woke up with a meat pie in my hand and my mouth tasting like an ashtray. I'm a catch, really!
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
You yell at me for being attracted to older guys and you're over here condoning murder
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
