Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
He's having sex with his gf again. Every thump of his bed against the wall is insulting to our one night stand.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Your biggest crisis right now is that you can't decide whether to keep hooking up with AN NFL PLAYER or try to rekindle your relationship with your ex. You are a walking white girl problem.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
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