You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You gotta buy me dinner first. Or smoke me out. Both are equally chivalrous
Fucking shoot me with this y'all shit. You were in Texas for 2months you do not have an accent Madonna
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
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