it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
please come get me his dick is out. i'm sitting on his couch and his dick is out. come now
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
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