I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I put bits of fruit cocktail in the jello shots i made because i knew that they were gonna be the only thing we ate all day
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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