Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
I'm up to 9 pic of different guys. I need 4 more boys and each one of the 13 to submit 3 additional pics. I wanna make a penis deck of cards.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
When I got up in the middle of the night, puked in his trash can, and snuck out the front door, I pretty sure he knew it was over.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
His idea of a night out is drinking beer in the driveway. He's been on house arrest too long
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
