Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
so the party was at my house but some how i ended up being the only one who slept outside
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
