She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
We got the possum out of our house. We built a maze with our empty kegs and chased it with brooms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Thank god crabs can't live on your head. Thank god.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
I need drugs. Hard drugs. Today. Not tomorrow. Today. Something relaxing.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's standing in the corner rubbing his nipples and reflecting on poor life choices
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
Randomize
