OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Life lesson... stop having side pieces that know each other...ffs.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
he's annoying when i'm sober but vaguely hot when i'm drunk so yes i do have a preference and it goes by the name of vodka
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
Randomize
