Where is the hickey?
If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
You peed in my camelbak and said it was a reverse catheter. Not cool.
Right, well, that begs the question of where did you get the whip, why are you using it, and why don't you carry one around more often?
I'm instituting a new rule. If you wake me up at 3am about wrinkled blankets, I get to throat punch you
I would like to dedicate my cray behavior this week to my uncontrollable hormones and wine. Both have totally Efff'ed with my life.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
Randomize