I work with a guy that has a strong spanish accent. He just said "I have a plethora of ..." and I busted out into laughter b4 he finished his sentence b/c it reminded me of 3 amigos.
I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
before i could order beers she was on stage 69ing with a stripper
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