Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
My one night stand found me at the library and randomly gave me plan B. He was scared I was going to get pregnant because he has a very high sperm count.
i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
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