Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Piggyback rides are my preferred mode of transportation.
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
He told you he loved you. Then you wanted to find a chainsaw to cut his dick off.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
