Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
He just remixed a spongebob song with 2 chainz..... Clearly I love him
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
Maybe just the first 2 wks of Nov can be dick detox.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
Is it weird that I have your number saved in my phone as baby Jesus?
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
So I have three weeks to get rid of his girlfriend and fuck him senseless before he goes to jail
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
