taking shots each time the weatherman says Dont go out in this blizzard
MTV running anti-sexting commercials is a slap in the face to everything our generation has accomplished.
I go to guys houses late at night, have a little fun, come back by dawn having made their life a little bit better. I am the official blow job fairy.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
I blacked out in the cab last night... Cant remember getting in the front door, also i got into bed with my grandma.
Randomize
